The Bad Man

July 3, 2012

Setting: Boozing at a bar lounge in London with my three friends Colin, Carlin and Colleen. I walk over and stand next to a girl in a white dress. Guy she is with just left her for  an extended period.

Me, “Hey! I saw you guys dancing and pointing at us during that last song!”

       (Girl nods her head with a big smile.)

Me, “Are you from London?”

Girl, “No.”

Me, “Where are you from?”

Girl, “France.”

Me, “Oh, sweet! Je parle petite Francais…Qu’est qu tu elle dans le matin?”


(Girl with confused look, but still smiling, nods head. Boyfriend then walks back, glares at his girlfriend, and back at me.)

Me, “Hey man. I was just saying whatsup."

(Boyfriend continues to stare at me, then back at his girlfriend.)

Boyfriend in a quipping French accent, “What is this?”

Me, “I was just telling your girl I speak a little French."

(Girl nods head.)

Boyfriend, “No, I say what are you doing?”

Me, “Um, I’m being friendly?”

Boyfriend, “Uhh huh.”

           (Boyfriend awkwardly rubs by me as I get up to sit back down with my three friends. He continues to stare at me so I put my arm around Carlin, a girl who also happens to be my friend. I point to her as if to say, this is my girlfriend. He grabs his girlfriend, his jacket and storms out.)

---

Setting: Fifteen minutes later on the street outside of the bar. With perfect timing, Frenchie is on the other side of the street walking towards us.

Frenchie, “So. Are we ok?”

Me, “Yeah, I’m ok”

Frenchie, “You like my girlfriend?”

Me, “No, this is my girlfriend" 


(I point again to Carlin.)

Frenchie, “You ever touch my girlfriend, I kill you.”

Me, “Woah man. I just saw you guys dancing, having a good time. You seemed like a good man.”

Frenchie, “I, am not a good man.”

Me, “Ok…”

(We begin walking away.)

Colin, “Are you fucking kidding me? You think your tough!?”

(Frenchie turns around as if disturbed. I keep walking.)

Colin, “What is that!? Has anyone ever gone blind from all that fucking gel in your hair!?”

        (With force I push Colin down the street and Frenchie makes a universal hand signal at us. For a few seconds I regret not trying harder in French class.)